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Just For Fun

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Spread the Good News!

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A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor
Looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find
Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a
tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll
find the Cookie Monster down there" Again, the little girl was silent. Then the
doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat,
he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?" "Oh, no!" the little
girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart.  Barney's on my underpants."

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Want to know what this is?   Click on it and find out!

A Round Tuit

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A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much." The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?" The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff, church, church, church . . . ."

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Stare at the dots.

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Last Sunday, the pastor of a local church began his sermon with a supposedly true story...

 

"I was on a plane last week, flying from Chicago to California, when we ran into some very severe turbulence. As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and finally even the flight attendants began to look concerned. Finally, one of them noticed that I had "REV." in front of my name on the passenger list came over to me and said, "Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could ... I don't know ... do something religious?"

"So I took up a collection."

Opening Anecdote

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Look at the chart below and say the COLOR of the word, not the word itself.  Grab a friend and see who can do it in the shortest time.

Say the color, not the word.

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There was a church where the preacher and the song leader were not getting along. This began to spill over into the worship service.

One week the preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The song leader then led the song, "I Shall Not Be Moved."

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The song leader then led the song, "Jesus Paid It All."

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The song leader then led the song, "I Love To Tell the Story."

The preacher became very disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The song leader then led the song, "Oh, Why Not Tonight."

As it came to pass, the preacher resigned and the next week informed the church that it was Jesus who led him there and it was Jesus who was taking him away. The song leader then led the song, "What A Friend We Have In Jesus."

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Covered

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Super Sunday Terminology

  • Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the closing hymn.
  • Draw Play - What many children do with the order of service during worship.
  • Half-time - The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.
  • Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.
  • Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.
  • Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work.
  • Two-minute Warning - The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.
  • Instant Replay - The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's illustrations.
  • Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime."
  • Trap - You're called on to pray and are asleep.
  • End Run - Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.
  • Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.
  • Halfback Option - The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.
  • Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

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*** The Eye of God ***

God is watching us! This is a picture of the Helix Nebula taken by the Hubble Telescope.  It's a cone-shaped nebula 650 light-years from Earth and it's pointed right at us!  For obvious reasons, it has been dubbed "The Eye of God".   Click on the picture for a larger version suitable for desktop wallpaper.

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CAN YOU FIND THE BOOKS OF THE BIBLE?

I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu. Kept people looking so hard for facts and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially since the name of the books were not capitalized, but the truth finally struck home to numbers of the readers. To others it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit that it usually takes a minister to find one of them and there will be loud lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, for there really are sixteen names of books in this Bible story.

One preacher found 15 books in 20 minutes, but it took him 3 weeks to find the 16th book. GOOD LUCK!

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Place your mouse on the "X" below then click and drag your mouse from the "X" to the "O" and see what happens....

X Even when you can't see Him, God is always there! O

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Hunt and Peck

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Dying in the Service

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The boy had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood quietly beside Johnny and said quietly, "Good morning, son."

"Good morning, Pastor," replied Johnny, still focused on the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" he asked. "Well, son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor.

Soberly they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked, "Which one, sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"

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The Bridge between us and God.

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26 Beautiful One-liners

1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.
2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.
3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let him be the period.
6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church. (pall-bearers!)
10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.
11. The church is prayer-conditioned.
12. When God ordains, He sustains.
13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.
18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.
19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
21. He who angers you controls you.
22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.
24. Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them & He'll clean them.
25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
26. Read the Bible -- It will scare the Devil out of you.

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fishbowl

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CALLER ID

Isn't it amazing how God works in our lives! On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone. The pastor let it ring many times.

He thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.

The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night. The pastor couldn't figure out what the man was talking about. Then the man said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer" the pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife.

The man said, "That's OK. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God If you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.' At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God.' I was afraid to answer!"

The reason why it showed on the man's caller ID that the call came from "Almighty God" is because the church that the pastor attends is called Almighty God Tabernacle!!

I say again - Isn't it amazing how God works in our lives!

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Tech Support

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A Wakeup Call

 

Dear God: 

Why didn't you save the school children at . . . .

    Moses Lake, Washington 2/2/96

    Bethel, Alaska 2/19/97

    Pearl, Mississippi 10/1/97

    West Paducah, Kentucky 12/1/97

    Stamps, Arkansas 12/15/97

    Jonesboro, Arkansas 3/24/98

    Edinboro, Pennsylvania 4/24/98

    Fayetteville, Tennessee 5/19/98

    Springfield, Oregon 5/21/98

    Richmond, Virginia 6/15/98

    Littleton, Colorado 4/20/99

    Taber, Alberta, Canada 5/28/99

    Conyers, Georgia 5/20/99

    Deming, New Mexico 11/19/99

    Fort Gibson, Oklahoma 12/6/99

    Santee, California 3/5/01 and

    El Cajon, California 3/22/01 ?

Sincerely,
Concerned Student

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Reply:

Dear Concerned Student: 

I am not allowed in schools.

Sincerely,

God

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How did this get started....


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Let's see, I think it started when Madeline Murray O'Hare complained she didn't want any prayer in our schools.
And we said, OK...
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Then, someone said you better not read the Bible in school, the Bible that says  "thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbors as yourself,"
And we said, OK...

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Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem.
And we said, an expert should know what he's talking about so we won't spank them anymore...
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Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave.  And the school administrators said no faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued.
And we accepted their reasoning...
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Then someone said, let's let our daughters have abortions if they want, and they won't even have to tell their parents.

And we said, that's a grand idea.
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Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys and they're going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the  condoms they want, so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their parents they got them at school.
And we said, that's another great idea...
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Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs. 
And we said, it doesn't matter what anybody, including the President, does in private as long as we have jobs and the economy is good...
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And someone else took that appreciation a step further and published pictures of nude children and then stepped further still by making them available on the Internet.

And we said, everyone's entitled to free speech....
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And the entertainment industry said, let's make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence and illicit sex... And let's record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes...
And we said, it's just entertainment and it has no adverse effect and nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead...

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Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, classmates or even themselves.
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Undoubtedly, if we thought about it long and hard enough, we could figure it out. I'm sure it has a great deal to do with...
"WE REAP WHAT WE SOW,"

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Ever wonder about the abbreviation A.S.A.P.? Generally we think of it in terms of even more hurry and stress in our lives. Maybe if we think of this abbreviation in a different manner, we will begin to find a new way to deal with those rough days along the way.

*************

There's work to do, deadlines to meet;
You've got no time to spare,
But as you hurry and scurry-
ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER


In the midst of family chaos,
"Quality time" is rare.
Do your best; let God do the rest-
ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER.


It may seem like your worries
Are more than you can bear.
Slow down and take a breather-
ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER


God knows how stressful life is;
He wants to ease our cares,
And He'll respond to all your needs
A.S.A.P. - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER.

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The Praying Rock

Tilt your head to the left!

The secret is to tilt your head to the left until you see the reflection join the rock formation. You will see a woman and child praying!!) Really neat!!!

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A SHORT SERMON
-Unknown


A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, suddenly stopped coming to church.  After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit.

The Pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire.  Guessing the reason for his Pastor's visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair near the fireplace and waited.  The Pastor made himself at home but said nothing.  In the grave silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs.

After some minutes, the Pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone.  Then he sat back in his chair, still silent.  The host watched all this in quiet contemplation.  As the one lone ember's flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow and then it's fire was no more.  Soon it was cold and lifeless.

The Pastor glanced at his watch and realized it was time to leave; he slowly stood up, picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire!   Immediately it began to glow once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the Pastor reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear running down his cheek, "Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon.  I shall be back in church next Sunday."

We live in a world today, which tries to say too much with too little.  Consequently, few listen. Sometimes the best sermons are the ones left unspoken.  What silent message would God have you share with someone today?

"Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven."--Matthew 5:16

A man may go to heaven......without health, without wealth, without fame, without a great name, without learning, without earnings, without culture, without beauty, without friends and without ten thousand other things---But he can NEVER go to heaven without Christ.   We need each other to keep the flame burning.

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Focus on the dot and move your head towards
and then away from the screen... cool huh!.

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Who Killed The Dead Sea?

Read: Luke 6:30-38
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30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.
31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32 "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them.
33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that.
34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full.
35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.
36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."


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There is one who scatters, yet increases more; and there is one who
withholds more than is right, but it leads to poverty. --Proverbs 11:24

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The Dead Sea died of stinginess.  Year after year it has received and not given. It has an inlet but no outlet. Likewise, the person who takes in what others offer spiritually but never gives anything out will become lifeless.

A student went to a professor and complained that he wasn't making progress in his studies. He then asked if he should find a tutor. "Get a tutor?" responded the wise professor. "What you need is a pupil!"

The author of the letter to the Hebrews scolded the readers because instead of being teachers they were like babies, still drinking spiritual milk (Heb. 5:12). Jesus, however, taught that we are to be generous in giving service to others (Lk. 6:30-38).

A man once said to me, "I never could get much out of the Bible until I began teaching a Sunday school class. Then I gave out the Word instead of just taking it in." There is no better way to learn than by teaching others.
How much do you give out after taking in? Study the Word, not only for personal blessing and profit but for sharing.

Why is the Dead Sea dead? It keeps taking in but never gives out. Don't make the same mistake. Tell someone today what you are learning. Share the blessing and be blessed yourself. --M. R. De Haan, M.D. (founder of RBC Ministries)

Is your life a channel of blessing?
Is the love of God flowing through you?
Are you telling the lost of the Savior?
Are you ready His service to do? --Smyth

When you give help to another, you get a blessing in return.

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A Final Thought...

As long as there are tests, there WILL be prayer in school!

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